Connor Is Awesome

Today, after umpiring a tournament game, I was at Micky D’s Drive-Thru. I had just paid and was waiting at the between windows spot. Then Let Me Be Myself came on. It’s by 3 doors down. It’s the song in the cavemen bowling commercial.  Anyway, for no reason at all, I was suddenly overcome with emotions and I didn’t start crying, but I teared up a bit. It caught me so off guard I didn’t even realize it at first. Not until I pulled up to get my food at least.  So there I am getting my two hamburgers, medium fry, and coke with a tear rolling down my cheek. How faggy of me.

Anyway, here’s the song that did it to me. Hopefully, you listen to it more manly than I do.

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1. I have added a new page to the blog.  I’m still working on bringing back the Sex Moves, collecting old ones and writing new ones. But to hold us over, I’ve added a page full of inspirtation courtesy of the one and only Billy Mays. “Billy Mays Here” is the title. It seems like it will be easy to upload, so I shouldn’t have a problem coming up with new ones often. I did 18 in 2 hours tonight.  So go and check back often to that.  Link (in case you’re too lazy to click the link up the top of the page or on the left side): Billy Mays Here.

2. Chris Wheeler with a slip of the tongue.

Classic.

Who is more historical: Michael Jackson or Tom Hanks?

Would You Rather: Isla Fisher once or Amy Adams Twice?

At 7:45 this morning, MTV started a marathon of all the old OxiClean commercials.

Heated toilet seats. I don’t think this needs an explanation.

Hot-and-Cold GPS system for cars.  You put in your destination, and it just gives you directions by using hot and cold.  It turns the drive into a fun little game.  $50 a piece.

“Your warmer………..warrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmer….hot….hot, hot, hot….you’re on fire…..you’re standing in lava…oh, cold….brrrrrrrrrrr….you’re in the antarctic.”

Trojan should change their slogan. I’m not sure what it is right now, but it should be changed. And you know what they should change it to?  Just names of STDs.  

“Please Use Trojan Condoms. Herpes.”

“Don’t Forget to put one on…everytime. Trojan. AIDS.

“Better to be safe than sorry. Trojan. Crabs.”

Know why? Cause when you haven’t gotten laid in a month, you aren’t thinking about putting on a condom to prevent pregnancy or STDs, your just so damn happy to be inside someone.  With an ad campaign like this one, I’ll definitely remember to put one on next time.  

PS…this post isn’t meant to put forth the idea I got an STD recently by the way.  I’m just saying. Honestly.

Let’s put it this way, in a movie about alien-robots that fight other alien-robots on our planet, the thing i had the most trouble believing was the frat party.  It was just the exact opposite of what a college party really is.  There were so many bad things about the movie.  The only good thing was the action, which was completely bad ass, but anything that wasn’t a robot-fight was absolutely unwatchable.  2 outta 5, only cause of the awesome action. I’m sure many of my near-future posts will have a lot of criticisms.  

Tomorrow I’ll do a Real World recap. New Season!

Kev and Franco had work.  So It was mostly just me and Kaitlin most of the day. A commercial for Jon and Kate Plus Eight came on. Looks like the divorce episode is this week.  I can’t right anymore. I have to let this potential for awesomeness sink in.

UPDATE:

I just watched the episode. My god. As if those eight kids weren’t already gonna grow up completely messed up, they are really screwed now.  It’s just so funny really. It’s sad how funny it is.  But here is my thing, ABC (or whoever does it) has to capitalize on this oppurtunity and lock up Jon to be the new guy on The Bachelor next season. It would be an entertainment gold-mine.  

Eventually Kate and Jon will be seeing other people. And then there gonna air footage of the new significant other playing around with the kids, which brings us to the sad conclusion: this is all going to end with either Jon or Kate, probably Kate, committing a horrible mass murder.

We had video and picture documentation of the following event to prove that all the instances did in fact happen.  However, tequila decided to take over decisions, and the camera that held the proof was completely erased, before Franco could make the footage public knowledge. 

And that is why Connor is Awesome is such an important website. It provides a way to correct mistakes of the past and to let the world know what happened.  So here is the only true and official account of the crabbing trip that went on Tuesday afternoon.

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